Hey virtual world…I know it’s a been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since my last “confession” towards becoming a BETTER ME. For starters, I learned that a few friends close to me read my blog. I’m ok with them reading, but like my “disclaimer” reads on the home page of this blog…I DON’T WANT TO DISCUSS anything that you might have read with you.
So if you’re one of those friends and you’re reading this particular blog, please trust that it is NOT my intention is not to hurt your feelings because I know your heart is in the right place. I’m just not ready to do so. In order for a me to continue down this path of self discovery, I must acknowledge these issues of mine and tackle them so that they are no longer clutter MY path to becoming a BETTER ME. This is MY time to get in touch with my inner most personal thoughts, fears and challenges. This is MY time to release this baggage that I’ve been carrying for so many years.
Ok enough housekeeping…back to this the business at hand. Since my last post, I’ve driven over 1300 miles round trip to drop my son off to college, come to grips with my WW weigh in # and have done some serious meditation. Sometimes I do meditation in complete silence and sometimes while listening to music.I’m not sure about you, but there’s something to be said about just being still. In today’s world of BlackBerry, iPhones, Twitter, Facebook, commuting in traffic and working long hours….you MUST take a moment and just be still and get clarity.
[Truth be told…I’m sometimes able to meditate and get focused watching some reality shows. I know that may sound crazy…but it’s true! Tell me you can’t watch an episode of VH1’s I WANT TO WORK FOR DIDDY and NOT be inspired to BETTER!]
This morning while standing in line at the post office a stranger told me that I glowed with the beauty of God. Now if that’s not an ego booster, I don’t know what is!
I haven’t had anyone other than my friends and family give me a compliment like that in a long while. That man in the post office didn’t know me from a can of paint, but he found it in himself to tell me that. He will probably never know how much I needed and appreciated his kind words this morning.
Today I’m in a good space…mentally and emotionally. I woke up relatively early this morning [6:45 am]. I was able to clean my bathroom [except that damn shower door!], wash/condition my hair and straighten my bedroom before I left for work this morning. All of this may seem insignificant to most people. BUT for me, doing these few things this morning was a MAJOR accomplishment because as my friends/family will tell you…I’M NOT AN EARLY RISER.
I also feel energized and focused as I prepare for the next chapter of my life and my son’s life. He leaves for college tomorrow and will be about 650 miles away from home. He’s my first-born child and it’s just been the two of us since he was 2 1/2 years old.
It’s a truly a bitter-sweet experience to have your child leave the nest and spread their wings. On one side, you’re excited to see them grow up and move on to the next phase of their life. But then on the other side, you’re nervous because you know the road ahead won’t be easy for them. As a mother, you want to be there to guide their every move, but now you have to TRUST that you’ve taught them enough about the world so that they will know how to make good decisions.
After I drop him off to college and head back home, I’m also wondering what my life will be like when I return to the house totally alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited that I will now have the opportunity to “re-explore” that “single-girl-life” that I put on hold for the majority of the time while I raised my son. BUT I’m also a little fearful about all of those “lonely moments” that tend to cause me to slip into those “depression spells” that I’ve been having lately.
I’m optimistic that I will get through it all. I’m just thankful that I’ve become MORE AWARE of what I’m feeling and WHAT I NEED to become a BETTER ME because 2010 is the year to put ME first!
Since a lot of the content of these blogs is extremely personal to me, it is not my intention to broadcast to all of my family and friends that I’m doing this. This is my personal journey project. IF you did by chance stumble upon this blog and read something that concerns you or that you want to talk to me about, please don’t….or at least until I’m ready and I invite you in.
Thank you so much for your understanding and continued support.
Well my goal was to post a new blog entry every day…but I fumbled the ball. And today it took me pretty much the whole day to pull myself out of a serious case of depression. After 5 days, I finally got up off the couch, washed clothes and took a much needed shower. Now I’m heading out for a quick pick me up at Starbucks.
Truthfully…these depression spells that I’ve been experiencing are starting to get on my nerves. I’m suppose to be the STRONG one who can conquer anything and these spells have got a serious hold on me. I’m realizing that if I don’t get some professional help to get me through this that I will never be happy and all of my dreams will never manifest into reality.
Ok…well I got the first post out of the way yesterday. So like Jay-Z says….we’re onto the next one! I spent the majority of the day doing absolutely NOTHING. I’m scared that I don’t have what it takes to self-motivate myself to becoming a BETTER ME. But what drives me is that I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.
Right now, NONE of my friends or family know that I’m writing this blog journal. And I plan to keep it that way for as long as I can. I don’t know if you’ve experienced this or not, but for me the moment I tell someone about my big plans for weight loss or career moves, I always find a way to self sabotage myself. I don’t know if it’s because knowing that others may be watching me fail or succeed creates too much pressure OR if it’s because I have to now be accountable to that person since they know my plans.
So with this daily journal, I’m going to think differently by first being accountable to MYSELF. The way I hold my team members accountable for making sure the project gets done, is the same methodology that I’ll be applying to this BETTER ME PROJECT.
As most professionals will tell you, the path to recovery involves you taking the FIRST STEP. Well this is my first step.
Today is Saturday, December 26, 2009. This is my very first post to this blog. I’ve never blog before, so I guess you can say that I’m a virgin that is on her way to getting her cherry popped. And just like a virgin, I’m excited about this journey of self discovery as I am scared about what comes along with this decision. As most of my “true” friends [all 10 of them], I’m very guarded with my feelings. I put on a front and act as if everything is ok….when essentially it is not. And truthfully, it hasn’t been ok for many years. So I’m using this forum as a means to help me become a BETTER ME.
I’m not quite sure I’m ready for everything that is going to come my way, but as always, I’m up for the challenge.