Hey virtual world…I know it’s a been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since my last “confession” towards becoming a BETTER ME. For starters, I learned that a few friends close to me read my blog. I’m ok with them reading, but like my “disclaimer” reads on the home page of this blog…I DON’T WANT TO DISCUSS anything that you might have read with you.
So if you’re one of those friends and you’re reading this particular blog, please trust that it is NOT my intention is not to hurt your feelings because I know your heart is in the right place. I’m just not ready to do so. In order for a me to continue down this path of self discovery, I must acknowledge these issues of mine and tackle them so that they are no longer clutter MY path to becoming a BETTER ME. This is MY time to get in touch with my inner most personal thoughts, fears and challenges. This is MY time to release this baggage that I’ve been carrying for so many years.
Ok enough housekeeping…back to this the business at hand. Since my last post, I’ve driven over 1300 miles round trip to drop my son off to college, come to grips with my WW weigh in # and have done some serious meditation. Sometimes I do meditation in complete silence and sometimes while listening to music.I’m not sure about you, but there’s something to be said about just being still. In today’s world of BlackBerry, iPhones, Twitter, Facebook, commuting in traffic and working long hours….you MUST take a moment and just be still and get clarity.
[Truth be told…I’m sometimes able to meditate and get focused watching some reality shows. I know that may sound crazy…but it’s true! Tell me you can’t watch an episode of VH1’s I WANT TO WORK FOR DIDDY and NOT be inspired to BETTER!]
This morning while standing in line at the post office a stranger told me that I glowed with the beauty of God. Now if that’s not an ego booster, I don’t know what is!
I haven’t had anyone other than my friends and family give me a compliment like that in a long while. That man in the post office didn’t know me from a can of paint, but he found it in himself to tell me that. He will probably never know how much I needed and appreciated his kind words this morning.
Today I’m in a good space…mentally and emotionally. I woke up relatively early this morning [6:45 am]. I was able to clean my bathroom [except that damn shower door!], wash/condition my hair and straighten my bedroom before I left for work this morning. All of this may seem insignificant to most people. BUT for me, doing these few things this morning was a MAJOR accomplishment because as my friends/family will tell you…I’M NOT AN EARLY RISER.
I also feel energized and focused as I prepare for the next chapter of my life and my son’s life. He leaves for college tomorrow and will be about 650 miles away from home. He’s my first-born child and it’s just been the two of us since he was 2 1/2 years old.
It’s a truly a bitter-sweet experience to have your child leave the nest and spread their wings. On one side, you’re excited to see them grow up and move on to the next phase of their life. But then on the other side, you’re nervous because you know the road ahead won’t be easy for them. As a mother, you want to be there to guide their every move, but now you have to TRUST that you’ve taught them enough about the world so that they will know how to make good decisions.
After I drop him off to college and head back home, I’m also wondering what my life will be like when I return to the house totally alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited that I will now have the opportunity to “re-explore” that “single-girl-life” that I put on hold for the majority of the time while I raised my son. BUT I’m also a little fearful about all of those “lonely moments” that tend to cause me to slip into those “depression spells” that I’ve been having lately.
I’m optimistic that I will get through it all. I’m just thankful that I’ve become MORE AWARE of what I’m feeling and WHAT I NEED to become a BETTER ME because 2010 is the year to put ME first!
Since a lot of the content of these blogs is extremely personal to me, it is not my intention to broadcast to all of my family and friends that I’m doing this. This is my personal journey project. IF you did by chance stumble upon this blog and read something that concerns you or that you want to talk to me about, please don’t….or at least until I’m ready and I invite you in.
Thank you so much for your understanding and continued support.