I’ve come to realize that if I’m NOT healthy, then nothing else really matters. So my first order of business is to get that one area of my life in order…physical health. To assist with this phase of the project, I consulted with the professionals today….WEIGHT WATCHERS. I contemplated whether or not the $39.95 per month for the monthly pass was worth the money…then I quickly realized that YES….I’m worth it.
So I joined and reality set in with three digits…389. After I weighed in, the WW rep handed me my cute little platinum coffee bronze 2010 pocket guide with my first stamp at 7:32 pm on 12/30/09 with 389.0 lb. When I saw that number, my heart skipped a beat and I wanted to pass out. Instead I said to myself…”ok, this is it…now you know your number…so own it and keep moving towards becoming a BETTER ME”.
Well my goal was to post a new blog entry every day…but I fumbled the ball. And today it took me pretty much the whole day to pull myself out of a serious case of depression. After 5 days, I finally got up off the couch, washed clothes and took a much needed shower. Now I’m heading out for a quick pick me up at Starbucks.
Truthfully…these depression spells that I’ve been experiencing are starting to get on my nerves. I’m suppose to be the STRONG one who can conquer anything and these spells have got a serious hold on me. I’m realizing that if I don’t get some professional help to get me through this that I will never be happy and all of my dreams will never manifest into reality.
Ok…well I got the first post out of the way yesterday. So like Jay-Z says….we’re onto the next one! I spent the majority of the day doing absolutely NOTHING. I’m scared that I don’t have what it takes to self-motivate myself to becoming a BETTER ME. But what drives me is that I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.
Right now, NONE of my friends or family know that I’m writing this blog journal. And I plan to keep it that way for as long as I can. I don’t know if you’ve experienced this or not, but for me the moment I tell someone about my big plans for weight loss or career moves, I always find a way to self sabotage myself. I don’t know if it’s because knowing that others may be watching me fail or succeed creates too much pressure OR if it’s because I have to now be accountable to that person since they know my plans.
So with this daily journal, I’m going to think differently by first being accountable to MYSELF. The way I hold my team members accountable for making sure the project gets done, is the same methodology that I’ll be applying to this BETTER ME PROJECT.
As most professionals will tell you, the path to recovery involves you taking the FIRST STEP. Well this is my first step.
Today is Saturday, December 26, 2009. This is my very first post to this blog. I’ve never blog before, so I guess you can say that I’m a virgin that is on her way to getting her cherry popped. And just like a virgin, I’m excited about this journey of self discovery as I am scared about what comes along with this decision. As most of my “true” friends [all 10 of them], I’m very guarded with my feelings. I put on a front and act as if everything is ok….when essentially it is not. And truthfully, it hasn’t been ok for many years. So I’m using this forum as a means to help me become a BETTER ME.
I’m not quite sure I’m ready for everything that is going to come my way, but as always, I’m up for the challenge.